Some lessons I have gathered from my week thus far:
You really don’t need other people’s approval. But go ahead. Wait around for it. Especially from that one person whose opinion you value so much. If they give you favourable feedback, great. Continue on with what you were doing. And if they don’t give you favourable feedback, great. Continue on with what you were doing. Because at some point you’ll realize that any limitations they attempt to place upon you, they’re only placing upon themselves. You are not a movie screen. Don’t let others project onto you. You’re the one creating the movie. You are the movie. You’re in charge of the whole shebang. Done. Next scene.
Allow yourself to be liberated by the fact that sometimes it’s really good to be really, really bad at something. Like standing in your own way. Learn to be really, really terrible at it. Boast about how awful you are at it. Make it very clear to yourself and your closest friends that even if you tried, you in all your stubbornness could never keep yourself from doing what you most desire to do. How laughable that you’d even try to keep yourself from enjoying your own life. Congratulate yourself for failing at this so spectacularly well.
There’s honesty. And then there is months-long, digging deeper, diving over and over into your shadowy unconscious, I-seriously-didn’t-even-know-I-had-this-place-within-me honesty. The former is lovely. Like releasing a deep breath along with the wind on a breezy, sunny day. The latter is life-altering. Like ripping open the doorways to another dimension, and crawling and clawing your way through what feels and looks like hell to find yourself at heaven’s doorstep. Give space and time for that to happen. What lies on the other side of that kind of honesty? Perhaps it’s everything you’ve ever wanted? Is that worth it?
Try unleashing your inner lover and your inner warrior upon the most tangled aspects of your own psyche. All the things you don’t know or haven’t faced about yourself. Anything you’d like to learn to embrace. Experiment with it being a war, and experiment with it being a peace-making effort. See what happens. Your self can be a garden or a battleground. You can dance there, or you can destroy there. Whatever you choose, remember this is all happening in your own mind. You are safe. The land of your own consciousness is yours to traverse. Seek companionship and help as needed.